closing out.

With the crazy busyness of Christmas and having a child for the first time during the holidays, I didn't get a moment to jump on here.  I truly hope you enjoyed spending time with family and friends and celebrated the holiday in whatever fashion you chose to.  It was fun in our house.  Seth joked that we made it through without me getting mad at him.  I tend to have high expectations of holidays (think Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation) and if things don't go the way I want them to, my temper just might flare.  I think all my expectations were set aside this year though based on the fact that you can't always plan when there's a baby involved.  Schedules get rearranged and you're forced to change right along with them.  Christmas day was a little more exhausting then it could have been but it was a good day in all.  I know Delia will be more involved next year but that didn't detract from this year.  She was showered with more toys than she needs and now she isn't sure what to play with at home.  It's sort of funny to watch.   

As we rapidly approach the end of 2011, I can't help but think of what's to come.  I'm looking forward to many things in 2012 which for me will really start the day I finish at work (only 5 more days, but who's counting?).  One thing I'm excited about is the opportunity to exercise again.  It's one of those areas that I have to work at, in the beginning anyway, but once I get into some sort of routine it's nice.  I had been going to the gym through the 2nd trimester of my pregnancy with Delia but as soon as this time last year rolled around, I stopped.  I got busy and tired.  Then February was upon us, Delia was born and my 6 weeks with her were up before I knew it.  There was no way I could fit a workout routine into my day when I was already juggling being a new mom, working full time, breastfeeding exclusively and still keeping up with my jobs at home.  I joined weight watchers and lost the extra weight but I never got back to a place where I felt "fit".  All that being said, it's high on my list for January.  I do realize that "getting in shape" is very cliche for a new year's resolution so that's why it's not one in my case.  Instead, it's a "now I will have time so I'm going to do it" situation.  Knowing that it's in the near future makes me smile.   

2011 has been a good year, but I think 2012 will be even better. 

changes.

Two weeks ago I found out some news that I've been hesitant to share.  I almost fear that by announcing it, it won't come true.  My very vague ":)" on Facebook led everyone to believe that I was expecting again.  I'm not (although I wouldn't be upset if I was) but it IS something that makes me very happy.  I'll preface this by saying that most people would not see this as a good thing, but in my particular life at this particular time, it's perfect.  So now that I have your attention and the anticipation built up, here it is...

The first week of January will be my final days at my current employer and by default, I will become a stay at home mom (if only temporarily).  I am thrilled.  Since having Delia, working full time has been my greatest struggle.  My measly 6 week maternity leave made me angry and upset and although I've learned (sort of) how to work and be a mom and wife, it's not my ideal life situation.  Paired with the fact that my job has changed drastically in the past 12 months, there have been coworker issues, and I don't have very busy days, I've been pretty miserable.  A couple months ago I was at such a low point that I almost quit on several occasions.  Realistically, I knew a layoff was somewhere in my future so I stuck it out and I'm glad I did.  I'm leaving on good terms with my bosses and holding excitement for whatever comes next in my life.  I'm so happy to have time to spend with my sweet daughter, especially as she nears her first birthday.  Better late than never. 

This is probably the best Christmas present I could have received this year.    

one.two.three.four.five.six.seven.eight.nine.TEN...

Yesterday Delia hit the 10 month mark.  Ten, TEN, T.E.N.  No matter how I say it, I can't make myself believe it.  In just two short months, she will be a year old.  I feel like I just saw the two pink lines only yesterday.  This first year of motherhood has been the shortest of my life.  It's also been the most difficult, challenging, rewarding and amazing.  I won't focus on those things right now though.  I just want to share the lyrics to a song that I heard for the first time yesterday morning, ironically.  As if I wasn't already sappy from remembering the first time I saw my little munchkin, this song just put me there even more.

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as i watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

(chorus)
Knowing clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books are full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

(chorus)

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you

(chorus)

-In My Arms by Plumb 

Shutterfly Stationery card

Here's a preview of one of our Christmas cards (I picked two!).  Thank you to Sarah Koller for her Shutterfly code giveaway a few weeks ago that helped me pay for these!  :)   

Wishing You Merry Christmas Card

Shop Shutterfly for beautiful photo Christmas cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Picture Memories.

In honor of the season, here are two recent pictures that captivate my happiness.

tis the season.

We are about to enter into my absolutely favorite time of year.  Thanksgiving through New Year's compares to nothing else in my book (in terms of seasons and holidays).  Why do I love them you might ask?  Let's just take a look...

Food.  I like to eat and I like all the typical Thanksgiving/Christmas foods that are placed on tables every year.  Turkey, stuffing, potato filling, green bean casserole, pies, cookies, candy. etc.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it.  At the top of this list just might be my mother in law's Christmas cookies.  She bakes so many different kinds and I always look forward to the first time I see them sitting out around the holidays.  I easily inhale a couple dozen of these by myself.  

Family.  I am blessed with a huge (also read loud and slightly dysfunctional) family and gatherings are pretty ridiculous.  We barely fit in a house altogether anymore but without them, it just wouldn't be the same.  I'm doubly blessed to have married into a wonderful family and enjoy spending time with my in-laws every year.  They are slightly calmer than my side, but there are still a handful of kids to make things exciting.

Friends.  I consider myself fortunate to have so many people in my life that I truly consider "dear".  Some are from high school (technically, a few go way back to when we were only 7), some are college friends that I don't get to see but still correspond with, Bible study friends, work friends, internet friends and even some new friends.  I'm always able to squeeze in a few "secret Santa" exchanges and parties with them.     

Christmas decorations, music, movies and shopping.  I LOVE all things Christmas.  I love the atmosphere in stores as I try to buy gifts and that everywhere I turn I see garland, lights, and tinsel.  One of my favorite things to do every Thanksgiving weekend is transform our house into a temporary winter wonderland.  I make Scrooge (aka Seth) help set up our artificial tree (I have a knack for killing things so this seems more realistic) and decorate with me as we listen to Christmas songs and drink hot chocolate.  Setting out my Nativity scene has to be the highlight of decorating (yes, I even have highlights of highlights!).  I have the Willow Tree set and I carefully unwrap each piece and display it on our kitchen hutch just so.  I can't wait to share this tradition with Delia.  I will start watching Christmas movies tomorrow probably and the Christmas music was turned on today.  Favorites include (movies) The Santa Claus, Christmas Vacation and Miracle on 34th Street and (songs) The Little Drummer Boy and O Holy Night. 

Hallmark Ornaments.  Okay, so I'm not one of the crazy people who buy every single ornament that they like, but trust me, I'm tempted to.  I do pick out an ornament every year for Seth and myself though.  I've already bought his and Delia's but not mine yet.  I usually have a hard time deciding which one I want so I may take a few trips to the store to decide.

Christmas Cards.  Picking them out, signing them, addressing them, receiving them.  I am still a fan of the written word (surprise) and I actually enjoy snail mail.  Every year I've tried to convince Seth to send out a photo card and he is never on board with it.  I think he can be convinced this year though since we are about to have some family pictures taken and we have a baby.  Everyone loves to see a baby on a card, right?  I confess I've already chosen a few Shutterfly designs and all I'm waiting on is the picture!   

So I could probably continue on with this list for quite a bit longer but I don't want to make this into a book.  I think I've given you enough to realize that yes, I do really love this time of year.  It makes my heart happy just thinking about all that is to come and even better yet, this year I have a child to share it with.  What can beat that?

the materialistic side of me.

I have a thing for fashion...and bags...and shoes...and jewelry.  I'll be the first to admit that I like to be trendy and within reason, I try to keep up with the changes.  While shopping you can also get your daily cardio, spend time with friends and family and undergo therapy.  Accessories are where it's at though.  The right accessory can totally change the look and feel of an outfit.  A new piece of jewelry or scarf can take something old and make it new.

When it comes to bags, my first love is Vera Bradley.  Those close to me already know this.  A few short years ago my obsession would probably be considered unhealthy by most people's standards and my collection due to that is substantial.  Then I turned that obsession on to babies (and Delia came along) so while I'm still a self-titled "fashionista", I'm now a mom version.  Delia already has her first VB and I look forward to when she can actually carry it.  I did have to cheat a little when I knew I was pregnant though and I begged for a Coach diaper bag.  I had yet to join the world of Coach and being the wonderful man that he is, Seth bought it for me last Christmas.  While I still love my Vera, I haven't regretted this decision.  :)

Moving on to shoes.  I've always loved shoes.  I'm more likely to spend less on a pair and get more pairs than to only aim for the pricey brands with one exception.  I love my Uggs.  I have bought 4 pairs so far, currently own 3 and I'm already eying up some new ones for this winter.  I still enjoy a nice pair of heels, but since my job is super casual and I'm now lugging around a baby carrier every day, I tend to stick to flats or wedges on occasion.  I love shoes.  Love, love, love them.

Jewelry.  Up until a few years ago, this one fell last on my list.  I stuck to the same basic pieces.  Then I discovered Premier Designs.  Affordable and well made, they finish off most of my outfits.  I have a "jewelry lady" that's awesome and through my parties and those of my family, I continue to grow my collection.  They have a lot of statement pieces but also simple designs for the less daring.  My wish list is pretty long.  Oh yeah, and I'm having a party this Monday at my house at 7.  There's my shameless plug.  Would love to see you there! 

poor baby.

This morning I took my sweet daughter to the pediatrician for what seems to be the 3rd (or 4th?) week in a row.  She's been battling double ear infections and recently ended the second round of her antibiotics.  She's just been off lately which could be attributed to teething, a growth spurt or ears.  Not wanting to risk it (and since her 9 month appointment isn't until next Tuesday) I wanted to be safe.  The doctor checked her right ear first which is better - yay.  Next the left ear - ugh, not better.  Really?  This is her 3rd infection back to back so that makes her a candidate for the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist.  She has an appointment with them on Friday and most likely they will want to put tubes in her ears.  I have to admit, as routine and common as the surgery is, I didn't really expect to have it done to my baby.  Just another reminder that I am never in control. 

"happy" halloween.

Yesterday was Halloween.  I'll openly admit, it's not my favorite "holiday" and the reason it's in quotations is because I don't exactly feel it holds Holiday (with an upper case H) value.  I never celebrated October 31st as a child other than the annual trip to Chuckie Cheese to avoid greeting trick or treaters that would inevitably stop by our house for candy.  Additionally, I'm not into ghosts and ghouls and all things scary.  I don't even like horror or slasher movies.  It's just not my thing.

That being said, I have no real qualms about letting my child(ren) dress up in costume and carry around a little pumpkin with which to collect pure sugar.  Delia was too young this year, for her first Halloween, to have any idea what was happening.  She's certainly too young for candy in my opinion, but we did dress her up anyway and walk to a few houses with our other nieces and nephews.  Ironically, her very first time trick or treating was also mine and it felt rather odd.

Here's a picture of my little lamb from the night.

 

a day in the life.

Beep!  Beep!  Beep!  My alarm keeps going off and I keep hitting snooze for just another 9 minutes of sleep.  This time I decide I've stayed in bed as long as I possibly can which means I only have time for a quick shower.  I shower and dry my hair.  I can hear the dog crying and since I'm alone this week, I go downstairs to let him out, medicate and feed him.  While I'm in the kitchen I make a bottle for the baby.  She should be waking up soon.  Back upstairs to figure out what I'm going to wear.  I hate this in between Fall and Summer time.  It's cool in the morning yet 70-80 degrees by afternoon.  I never know how to dress.  I go back to the bathroom to plug in the curling iron and start putting on my makeup.  I don't hear the baby yet but I go in her room anyway.  The sound of the door stirs her from sleep and she starts to open her eyes.  It's not a happy morning and she starts crying.  I have her bottle ready though and that helps.  I finish readying myself and I'm thinking about the laundry that needs to be done.  I really wish I could just stay home today.  Since I can't, I'm going to get a jump start so I grab the dirty diapers from the pail and take them down to the basement.  I can at least run a cold rinse before I go to work.  Back up both flights of stairs and Delia is done with her bottle.  She's sitting up in her crib, sort of playing but looks like she wants to go back to sleep.  I pick out her clothes and pile everything up to take downstairs.  Then I pick her up and give her some kisses so she laughs.  I take her downstairs, change her diaper and put her clothes on for the day.  She's wearing her Halloween Hello Kitty shirt.  It's so cute.  I have a few more things that need to be done so I put her in the pack and play and she's not happy.  She cries and I feel terrible because she just wants to be held for some reason.  She coughs and I hope she's not getting sick again.  I pack up her diaper bag for the day, start my Tassimo maker for coffee and check the clock.  I have about 10 minutes.  Not enough time for breakfast but I think the milk is past it's date anyway.  There's peanut butter crackers in my desk at work.  I'll just eat those.  I grab my lunch bag and throw in a frozen healthy choice meal, a diet cherry dr. pepper (I really need to stop drinking soda again) and some carrots and apples for the baby.  I have an idea that maybe if she gets some food in the afternoon instead of dinner time, she'll eat it.  I'll give it to my sister today.  She's not crying anymore, that's good.  It's because she has her pacifier.  I realize how reliant we've become on that little thing but I don't care right now.  We'll deal with that hurdle later.  I pick up the diaper bag, my purse and lunch bag and take them out to the car.  My coffee is done when I come back in so I pour some vanilla flavored creamer in.  She's crying again but it's time to leave so I go pick her up.  She smiles immediately.  "I'm sorry baby.  I know you just want to be held."  I already hate that I'm about to strap her into her car seat.  She struggles with me while I put her sweater on and arches her back as I try to put her in the seat.  It's just one of THOSE mornings.  "Come on Tucker" into the kitchen you go.  I put the gates up at both doorways so he can't get out.  Pick up my coffee, the baby and my keys and out the door.  I groan a little bit as I put her seat into the car base.  She's getting heavier every day.  I get in the front seat and just stop for a second.  I sigh.  Man, I really hate being a working mom.  Start the car, seat belt on and release the parking brake.  "How is it only Tuesday?" I think as I pull away.

time and moments.

"Time flies" and "Cherish the moments" are just two phrases I've heard throughout most of my life.  I've always believed them to be true, but never more true until I became a mom.  My daughter is 8 months old already and I can hardly believe it.  Just yesterday I was on my way to the hospital preparing for her birth.  I have a notion that I will be thinking these thoughts with every single month and year as she continues to become the little person that she was created to be.  I've also figured out that it's possible to mourn the loss of her babyness (I know she still has some left!) and rejoice in her latest accomplishments all at the same time. 

Here are some of the most recent ones:

1.  Giving kisses.
2.  Waving hi/bye (she's not consistent with this one but she does do it on occasion).
3.  Teeth.  Her second one just popped through last week.  
4.  Pulling herself up!  This happened on the same day that "daddy" left for a 9 day hunting trip so guess who got stuck lowering the crib by herself.

 And just another picture for good measure.  The onesie she's wearing has significant meaning. :) 

when I grow up.

I've never been a career driven person and I think part of the reason is because I never found anything I felt passionate about.  My jobs have all been "this is okay and pays the bills" sort of jobs.  Since having a baby, I've undergone many changes in terms of how I feel about certain topics and what I feel is most important in life.  I've also discovered something that I think I would love to do.  Forgive me, but I'm not going to go into details of what it actually is because I don't want to be that person that just talks a lot and doesn't take action.  The problem I find myself in right now, is that even though I have a goal, getting there is hard.  It will require much time, effort, and money.  It will require more school.  Financially, Seth and I are not in the spot for me to quit my job and jump into this.  So, I'm going to take it to God.  I'm going to lay it at his feet for the time being and pray. 

I can't help but wish I had this epiphany 8 years ago though.  

glad the weekend is over.

The title of this post is something I normally would NEVER say.  This last weekend was filled with stress and frustration though so I'm sort of glad it's over and a new week has begun.  I'll give you a quick recap to let you know why I feel this way.

Friday night started out with a mouse issue.  About a month ago, we found two mice in the vent/fan thing above our stove.  They managed to fall into it from a hole above (that we think leads out to an old chimney) and were unable to escape.  One was barely alive and the other still very much alive.  So we removed them of course, cleaned up, and that was that.  One morning last week I heard A LOT of activity in the same spot and told my husband, "The mice are back".  I didn't hear anything after that but Friday evening when I got home from work, I could smell the evidence.  Unfortunately, Seth was at the Phillies game (in which they were eliminated in round one of the playoffs for those who don't follow baseball - another issue) and he didn't plan on coming home until Saturday morning.  The smell became progressively worse throughout the night and since I couldn't confiscate of them on my own, I had no choice but to open all the windows.  It helped a little but ew, gross.  I wanted to vomit.  Fast forward to Saturday morning when Seth takes the vent/fan off the wall and finds FOUR dead mice.  Bad start to the weekend.

Saturday morning through Sunday afternoon was filled with my dog having seizures.  A little background info.  Our 100 lb black lab was diagnosed with epilepsy at 2 years old (he's 4 now), takes medicine for this chronic illness and occasionally has seizures.  We have gotten used to them and how to handle the situation and he's never had more than 2 in a 24 hour period.  We don't know what prompted it, but he had 6 seizures in a 30 hour span.  They were happening about every 5 hours and he was in a haze the rest of the time.  We both thought he was going to die.  Our Vet is closed on Sundays so we called the emergency animal place and they said they would do a physical exam for any kind of increased seizure activity and decide where to go from there.  I knew waiting another whole day would make us terrible pet owners, so we decided to pay the $100 exam fee and have him looked at.  Here's where I don't understand.  This Vet suggested that it could be a reaction to an allergy flare up (never suggested to me before), his allergies look like they are caused by an inhalant (never suggested to me before) and he should have allergy testing (also never suggested to me before).  These tests would run us another few hundred dollars.  They suggested keeping him overnight to do a seizure watch and they would give a shot of valium if he seized again plus do a round of blood work.  This runs oh, about $850.  We opted to bring him home instead.  Fortunately, he did not have a seventh seizure but he's pretty out of it.  I don't expect him to come back to reality for a couple days.  I'm just at a loss as to what we do next.  We should follow up with our regular Vet but I'm sure they will want to see him and run more tests.  We love our dog and I don't want him to suffer, but he's cost us thousands of dollars in the 4 years we've owned him.

So, I'm sure you can see why I'm glad the weekend is over.

why I cloth diaper: part II.

Okay, so I decided I'm not done talking about cloth.  I will be perfectly honest and say that this was not one of the original reasons I had for cloth diapering however, after reading several articles about the contents of disposable diapers (and the way this information is protected by manufacturers), I can't help but feel even more confident in my decision.

(Disclaimer:  I'm not trying to say that these companies are all "big and bad".  I just didn't even think about the contents of disposable until I started researching cloth diapers in general.  Call me naive.)  That being said, if you're interested in some reading:

http://www.diaperjungle.com/Disposable-Diapers-Exposed.html

http://www.babycenter.com/0_whats-in-disposable-diapers-8211-and-are-they-safe-for-your_10335425.bc?page=1#articlesection1

And while I'm at it, why not share some of my favorite brands.  The world of cloth diapers is huge and you can easily get swallowed up in the decisions on what style you should use and why.  This is one of the reasons I was so hesitant during my pregnancy and eventually let it go.  I didn't know where to start.  There are still many things I don't know, but I'm glad that I now have resources where I can find the answers I'm looking for.  As I learn, I love to educate as well.  If I can convince any one person to CD, I will be happy!  (Btw, my sister who is expecting her first in April is going to and I'm sooo happy about this.)

Before I decided what style and brands to buy, I used this chart to help me figure out what's what.

http://www.diaperjungle.com/cloth-diaper-types.html

I also asked mom friends a lot of questions.   I decided that pockets would probably be the best decision for my life, at least to start out.  My intentions were to buy a few at a time (since it can be costly up front) and cloth diaper part time until I was able to build a stash that would allow me to do laundry every 2-3 days.  The majority of our diapers are Bumgenius 4.0s and I can't say enough good things about them.  They are one size which means they are adjustable and will fit from 10-35 lbs or something in that range.  Bought brand new, each diaper comes with an adjustable microfiber insert and a newborn size insert.  I use both inserts for overnight since the diaper obviously needs to hold a little more but to date, I haven't had any leaks.  During the day I just use the adjustable insert.  When I do my laundry, I stuff the pockets and they are ready to go for the babysitter or dad since he doesn't like to get too involved.  The rest of my diapers are an odd assortment of brands since it's a good idea to try a few out and see how they work for you before committing to something.  We have Softbums, Rocky Mountain, Kawaii, Fuzzibunz, WAHM (work at home mom - custom made diapers) and I'm waiting on a few Sunbabys that I ordered.  I also have some prefolds and flats which require a cover.  If you refer to the chart in the link above, you will see the difference in these styles.  Prefolds are what most people think of when they hear cloth diapers.  You no longer have to use those old huge rubber pants though.  Now they sell adorably cute waterproof covers.

I could honestly talk about this topic for awhile but I won't.  We didn't even cover laundry detergent, dirty diaper storage, extra inserts, doublers, liners, rash cream, ect.  I just wanted to share a little more about this world since I was clueless prior to taking the leap.  If you are seriously interested though, please feel free to ask me questions.  I will do my best to inform you from what I have learned or at least find the answers for you.

why I cloth diaper.

In trying to come up with ideas for this blog, I find myself feeling super uncreative and unoriginal.  In those moments, I'm going to fall back on a "why I do this" post.  Hopefully it doesn't become extremely boring.

So, as a start....why I cloth diaper and how I got there.

At some point during my pregnancy with Delia, I considered cloth diapering.  I was, and still am, active on a babycenter birth board and it seemed that a lot of people "out there" were doing this.  I decided that I love the benefit of saving money (in the long run), hate the impact that disposable diapers have on the environment, and find fluffy bums oh so cute.  After asking some questions and doing a little bit of research, I dropped the ball.  I thought, "It's too late in my pregnancy to decide this".  I also knew Seth would give me a hard time if I suggested it.  That being said, it wasn't until Delia was about 1.5-2 months old that I reconsidered.  I now had several internet mom friends that gave me all the insight and advice needed and to this day, continue to help me when I find myself stumped by the world of fluff.  I also had discovered that Seth was not all over the diaper changing train.  Add that to the fact that I do the majority of the laundry in our house, and it really was a no brainer.  I of course asked his opinion but it basically came down to, if you want to do it, go ahead.  He grumbled a bit at the money I had to spend up front and was convinced that I would give it up after a month (which was just more motivation for me to make it work).  And here we are, at 7.5 months going strong with our cloth.  Now that I'm in the thick of it, I would never go back to disposable diapers by choice.  I'm also glad that I started with my first so that by the time the second child comes along, I'd have the hang of it.  I can honestly say that I LOVE it however a word of advice for anyone considering making the jump.....beware, it can be very addicting.

saturday mornings.

I love my Saturday mornings.

Typically they are spent home alone beginning in September (the start of hunting season).  "Alone" now includes a 7 month old but she's such a good baby that it doesn't affect much other than my sleeping in.  It's 9:15 and she's already napping so I have a little bit of time to myself.  I can generally sit and enjoy my coffee with the front door open - the neighborhood is still quiet at this point.  Sometimes I get a jump start on housework depending on how the rest of the weekend looks but most times I just relax.  There's something about having nowhere to go, no need to rush to get ready and out the door, and the next 2 days off from work that brings me a sense of peace.  I wish every morning could be like a Saturday morning.  That would probably take away their specialness though.      

the moments.

These days, there aren't many things that make me REALLY happy throughout the day.  I'm going through a rough spot to say the least.  The following, however, are just a few bright spots that bring a smile to my face.

1.  My morning cup of coffee - be it hot, iced, regular, flavored, latte, etc.
2.  When the clock turns 5 because I get to leave a job that I currently hate.
3.  The big smile Delia has for me when I pick her up at the end of the day.   It melts my heart every time.
4.  Bath time - this usually requires effort on my part and it's repetitive but my daughter loves it so much that I just can't help to love it too.
5.  The first time my head hits the pillow at night.

intentions of a new mom.

I have good intentions on keeping up with this blog....really, I do.  Unfortunately, I just seem to forget it exists.  My goal for the rest of this week will be to write THREE times, even if it's something small and insignificant.

Okay, so why not jump right in?  Being a mom is hard.  H. a. r. d. Hard.  And my reasons aren't because I have a difficult baby, or have given up my personal "social" life or anything like that.  It's because becoming a mother has opened the door to a plethora of emotions that I didn't even know existed within someone.  It has made me a person that I didn't know I could be.  I don't say this badly or with negative connotations.  I just say it because I wasn't ready for ALL the changes that were thrown upon me.  Maybe those of you who have yet to take on this challenge of parenthood will have your minds a little more prepared, if that's even possible.